pavlovs-schrodinger:

pavlovs-schrodinger:

when im older and my kid needs me to sign something for school im just gonna write “Dad” in really crappy handwriting so it seems like my kid forged my signature and the teacher calls to tell me and im just “yes no it is i dad”

i posted this when i accidentally took too much medication

screw you guys

kablizzy:

thetremblingofmyhand:

thetremblingofmyhand:

the kid that sits behind me in geometry is a really good artist and once I turned around and he was spending an extensive amount of time shading in the collarbones of the guy he was drawing, so I whispered

“careful John, your gay is showing”

and he just winked

So, apparently John has a tumblr and if he sees this I will track all of you down and rip your beating hearts from your chest one by one

Signal boost for John.

pumpernicklefagbag:

ragehappystolemysleep:

harrystylesnickgrimshaw:

when I’m a parent, I’m going to give my child the day of the full moon off from school every month and see how long it takes the administration to notice

reason 325 why tumblr users should never be parents

reason 325 why tumblr users should definitely be parents

napoleonbonerhard:

napoleonbonerhard:

i literally cannot convey how long i fucking laughed after i realized that boobytrap backwards is partyboob

i really hope that this does not end up being the text post that defines my entire tumblr career

Your real name:
Cafferty

Your detective name (favourite colour and favourite animal):
Green Ocelot

Your soap opera name (middle name and street you live on):
Aiko Keokuk

Your star wars name (first three letters of last name, first two of middle)
Fraai

Superhero name (color of your…

Your real name:
Robert

Your detective name (favourite colour and favourite animal):
Purple Gecko

Your soap opera name (middle name and street you live on):
Alan Tamar

Your star wars name (first three letters of last name, first two of middle)
Poral

Superhero name (color of your shirt, first item to your immediate left):
No Phone

Goth name (black and one of your pets): 
Black Jack

pseudonym394:

kyladian:

imgonnariverdance:

IT ALL STARTED FROM 

AND NOW 

I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS WEBSITE

I laughed more than I’m willing to admit..

I made a thing

naesnark:

genderterrorist:

OH MY GOD

THIS IS SO HORRIBLY PERFECT

I LOVE IT

somuchfandoms:

like… what even

inspires you to

write such things 

that dont make 

any sense

WHAT SO EVER

carryonmywaywardalpaca:

letsjustgowiththis:

dontmakepeopleintoheroes:

bunny-booty:

Alpacas are so much fucking cuter then llamas.

sdfgsdg

YOU FORGOT THE FOLLOWING POINTS:

• LLAMAS HAVE BIG ASS TEETH TO RIP OUT YOUR FUCKING THROAT
• ALPACAS HAVE FUZZY LIPS TO NUZZLE YOU GENTLY TO SLEEP
• LLAMAS WILL CHARGE AFTER YOU IF THEY SMELL FOOD AND FEAR
• ALPACAS AMBLE ALONG LIKE THE WORLD IS MADE OF GUMDROPS
• LLAMAS ARE THE FUCKING DEVIL INCARNATE 
• ALPACAS ARE NOT THE FUCKING DEVIL INCARNATE

This has been the most informative post I’ve seen on Tumblr.

ALPACAS

FOR

THE

WIN

poisoningsiouxie:

lea-michele:

whenever i leave a store without buying anything and i have a bag with me i’m always convinced that the owners will think i’m shoplifting so i try my hardest to wear an expression that says “i am not a shoplifter” but i’m fairly certain that i just end up looking like i have recently killed a family of 5 and eaten them for breakfast

This made me literally fall over laughing.